It took nearly five months, but I think I’ve finally moved past the initial shock of the engagement to the “it’s real” phase. For those first few months I was answering wedding questions begrudgingly, a little reluctant to say anything about a wedding (a what?). Not because I was unhappy about the prospect of getting married, I was just incredibly overwhelmed by the enormity of it all.
Weddings are an institution, a HUGE industry that seems out to constantly overcharge you or sell you things you may want but don’t really need. Just browsing Pinterest, which I thought would lend me inspiration, instead just made me incredibly depressed. Why? The promise of perfection was dangled in my face like a carrot and I could only stare and think about how, on two student budgets, we were never going to have anything remotely close to that. I felt stuck in a push and pull, how far should I go to try and achieve my “dream wedding?” And from there I jumped straight to the hopeless feeling of, I’ll just have to settle for my sub-dream wedding.
It took me that long to realize why I was having so much trouble with the whole idea of planning a wedding. I’d been having a mini quarter life crisis, one in which I wasn’t entirely sure who I was. It’s one thing not to know what you’re going to do with your life, sure, everyone experiences that at some point. But this was different. How could I pick a theme that represented ME and US when I didn’t really feel with certainty how I was different, what made me unique, how I could personalize this wedding. Sure, I could have a nice pretty wedding, but how could I make it meaningful to me, personal, beautiful? I wanted to have that dress moment with a theme, I wanted to have an epiphany about how I could best represent myself to all these new people who are going to become my family.
Strangely, it happened on Pinterest, and it wasn’t a dress, it was a cake.
Not only that, it was not the aha moment I hoped, it was more like a gradual stewing of this cake image I had pinned from the Ruffled Blog, recommended by one of my friends. It was just continually floating around in my head and coming back to me every time I thought about weddings. It stuck with me in a way that made me feel sure that was the direction I should go in that most represented me. It turned out to be from an Art Nouveau inspired wedding, who would have thought? Well folks, that might just be it but, stand by for more details.
Currently, a wedding website and guest list are in progress, that’s great since I’ve done nothing for five months!